Bittersweet New Beginnings » The Spread

For the last five years, I have been working on a documentary. After about three years, friends and family knew better than to ask me about it. The journey I took with this film was chaotic, emotional, split me open to reveal all my vulnerabilities but ultimately, was hugely rewarding.

Which makes me realise that making a film is like taking a lover.

It begins with a spark; an idea; a vision for what might be, and this spark propels you to throw yourself into a new world. Enraptured, you devour this new subject. You want to know everything about it, want to feel it in the core of your being, and deeply believe that this is a subject which is special, significant.

Soon you begin to feel the experience is changing you. The information challenges your world and your perspective and you start to realise that for this film to work you need to let some of your old beliefs go. At first, you were swimming in a new sea but now you and the sea begin to meld.

Thus ends the development phase. Next we have production. Your film: this new relationship you have cultivated in your head begins to take an outward expression. You go on shoots, you meet new people, and the film takes you out of your comfort zone.

In post-production you take the experiences and the learning and try to make sense of them. Have you created a monstrosity? Where is the beautiful vision of the future you once had? You see the mistakes you’ve made and wonder if they are salvageable.

The post-production stage always marks a new beginning. At the end you look back, and ask yourself if you like what you’ve created. It is either time to move on to something new (determined by your experience of the film making process), or take the film to the next level.

The film either becomes a self-sufficent entity, which enriches the world around it, or a weight in the mind of the film maker which asks “what if?”

I’m very glad to say that through the highs and lows of making my film, I finally came through, and Where the Darkness has to Run has just been accepted to a film festival in Portland, Oregon. But it was because I believed in the quality of the story, the interviews and the footage.

I think that deep connection to your film is crucial to taking you through the difficult times. It’s not an attachment, or a sense of obligation. It’s a faith that there is something valuable in your vision, and it requires your love to become what you feel it may be.

For more info on Yolanda’s film, see https://www.facebook.com/wherethedarknesshastorun

Yolanda Barker

Yolanda Barker is a documentary film maker who writes a regular column which she refers to as "Barker's Bite" designed to fill the movie shaped hole in your life. She also " likes art and stuff"